Black Men and Women: Growing In Love
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Ok, so I just finished watching the Best Man Final Chapters (BMFC) on Peacock. Since I have been writing about Black men and women and Black love, I think the franchise (meaning all the Best Man movies and the series) is an appropriate reference for the topic. First of all, I enjoyed the films and the series. The BMFC is well written and is a good follow-up to the 1999 original film "The Best Man" and the 2013 Christmas special "The Best Man Holiday." There are some things I didn't like about BMFC, and I wonder if the franchise accurately depicts Black love and if it could be the source of some lessons for us on the topic.
If you have yet to watch the BMFC series, it's worth watching. The eight episodes, like real life, are full of drama, unexpected twists and turns, laughter, tears, successes, failures, and so much more. It continues the story of the previous two Best Man movies, which chronicle the lives of eight people who attended college together and remain friends over time. The time spans from the 1990s to the present, so the series is timely, and the creators did a decent job of making it relevant. The last movie was released in 2013, so the creators included a montage of references to life events since then, like the election of Donald Trump, the pandemic, and social unrest over the past few years.
I will not go into great detail about what happens in the series because I don't want to spoil it for anyone. However, I want to briefly discuss the creator's portrayal of Black love. The friendships began via a mutual college experience and grew and matured over time. Some of them developed an interest or desire for each other beyond friends (for example, Lance, played by Morris Chestnut, and Mia, played by Monica Calhoun). They started investing more time into their relationships and eventually married. Like in real life, conflict arises when secrets (desires, events, etc.) create drama and resentment, but they seem to always get over the crisis and end on a hopeful note.
While real-life relationships might be more complicated than what we see in the Best Man Franchise, we can still learn some real-life lessons. First, love takes commitment and time. According to a study on the National Institute for Health website, "lack of commitment" was a leading reason for divorce among formerly married couples. The characters in the Best Man are committed to each other; it shows in their connections and the amount of time they spend together. Not only do they rely on each other, they expect and want to be around each other. The franchise shows that when relationships are beneficial, we fight to keep them intact, even when conflict and resentment arises. The series also demonstrates what can happen when people don't feel their relationships are valuable. For instance, in the BMFC Series, one married couple, Robyn and Harper (played by Sanaa Lathan and Taye Diggs), struggle when Robyn doesn't feel mutually supported by Harper. The disconnect between them caused animosity and friction, and ultimately, they decide to separate.
Secondly, conflict and arguing are also listed as top reasons for divorce. In BMFC, one couple experience pressure outside of the marriage, and the torment of that caused internal strife, consequently leading to issues within the marriage. For example, Murch (played by Harold Perrineau) and Candace (played by Regina Hall) experienced social trauma, racism, and sexism from events in the community and at work that caused friction within the family. However, they learned better ways to release their frustrations, communicate with each other, and save their relationship. Their struggles not only show how stresses from outside of the household can affect marriages but also show practical ways to mitigate those pressures.
Thirdly, the series shows the importance of family and friends' support in maintaining Black love. One of the main characters in the franchise (Mia) died during the 2nd movie. The series pickup on Lance's struggles since Mia's passing. The support the other friends provided for Lance was admirable. This support, guidance, and intervention are often missing in today's Black love and/or peer-to-peer relationships. The friends hold each other accountable, admit when they were wrong, and often accept responsibility for their behaviors and actions.
Finally, the Best Man Series shows the beauty of Black love. The display of positive images, narratives, and messages surrounding the Black love story, which is often hidden beneath the negative headlines in America, is a source of pride. The Best Man Franchise is unapologetically Black and is a beautiful celebration of Black excellence. While I love the series, it does not and could not cover all the nuisances of Black love, but we do. So, let's find a way to growing in love. We can start by loving ourselves, our spouses, our family, those in our community and our culture in way that not only celebrate Black culture but also boosts confidence and pride while denying space for self-hate.
References:
The Best Man, The Best Man Holiday, and the Best Man Final Chapters Series: Created by Malcolm D Lee.Scott SB, Rhoades GK, Stanley SM, Allen ES, Markman HJ. Reasons for Divorce and Recollections of Premarital Intervention: Implications for Improving Relationship Education. Couple Family Psychol. 2013 Jun;2(2):131-145. doi: 10.1037/a0032025. PMID: 24818068; PMCID: PMC4012696.
Sophia Brewer (M.L.I.S.) is Collection Development and Serials Librarian, Grand Rapids Community College; Co-President of the Greater Grand Rapids History Council; member of the Grand Rapids Study Club and serves on the Grand Rapids Public Library, Board of Library Commissioners (Elected 2016-2021). She is a former Head of Programs, Grand Rapids Public Library and former Branch Manager, Madison Square Branch, Grand Rapids Public Library Congresswoman
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